"nice" sabi niya. "weh"sabi ko.

and then i lose my way
i close my eyes and
he has found me...

but
only
on my own.


***pero kung di siya, pwede po bang siya na lang?

run-doom

i like anthony taberna (dunno if i spelled his last name correctly, no time to google it) because he has so much conviction. i wish i had his guts, not that i agree with all his stands but with hims aying things be it pro or anti issue, he never fails to amaze me. he's no playing safe, he always make sure that his stands are well conveyed and known. i like him na, mga 5%.


************************

I really am romantic, in the English sense of the word, i believe in the goodness not just of each person but that of the situation. I still believe in the purity of each entity, that whatever is it that corrupts one's mind, the born "savage noble" will still find his/her way towards purity of being.
wah. i miss conrad.

************************

sleep. love. dream. love. reach. love. wish. love. life.

************************

i wish I'm at the hiatus of waiting for the "him".

unfeeling the pinch of things, rather feelings, i can't name.

sleep na maphene.

and you've been told.

i'm no tactless but when i say things that i would really have to say, they just usually flow out from my mouth and my psyche uncontrollably. and worst, i think out loud.

but this morning, i didn't only say the dreaded words for the day, but have conveyed it through email to the target audience. to him.

context: chast told me that he would agree to go out on a date with me if, and only if, i'll have to pay for everything. sugarmama through and through, it made me think thoroughly. yes, i dwelled perpetually on the thought. i'm at my worst when it comes to dating someone i DO like so i'm a bit hesitant of the dating idea. but yes, i agreed w/ a few conditions though.

1. i have to ask him 75 questions which
2. he should answer adequately and
3. he'd have to ask me 100 questions in return.

oh well, obviously, this is to get to know the man better. why not, he didn't even answer all my questions, that was when i attempted to bombard him with a convo last week. he is nice pero he is very , really, suplado. true true true.

owkey, let's go back to the main point of this entry.

so there, he was asked by chast to agree but this only struck the central part of my chest when he practically declined. the man got brains. he knows what logic is. his eloquence is something to be awed but at the same time to be hated. wah. he knows how to use words apt for the situation. and it hurt me again. well, what can little ms.maphene do but grind her teeth and rub her nose. and infuriated w/ his answers and, heck, eloquence, here's what happened next:

i don't really know where i got the confidence at that moment but i asked chast to let me email the man using her outlook with these not-so-controversial-word-salad:

yo! maphene here, yung weird na may crush sa 'yo!
oo crush kita but you don't have to worry kasi my expiry date yung crush ko sayo at malapit na yun! di pwedeng marecycle kasi biodegradable.
ok!

mamangha ka!

there! confidence. oozing with confidence and something i'm not capable of putting a label.
haaay.. i only intend to let my frustration out but what have i gotten myself into is a total mess. waaar! and goodluck to myself as you've guessed it right, the more that i can't get somewhere near him without fainting. subaybayan nalang natin ang fainting sessions.

well, i can look at the brighter sides of it:

since i can't usually contain emotios and thoughts like this, i can easily move on now.
he's able to confirm it even unsolicitedly. haha!

so the resolution here is,
stay the same and just crush him from afar.
a-huh.

and so for you, my man, stay blessed because as much as i want to know it, the expiration date labe l is nowhere to be found.

welkum mapen

blogspot welcomes maphene.blogger.com.

i am maphene.
ma. pheona caranzo esteria, as legal and pertinent papers would put it.
i am impulsive. i'll be celebrating my birthday on the 19th next month.
i'll be 23 then.
i feel like 10 years old though.
hmmm.
this is what i've been trying to figure out for months now.
i'm happy that i'm loved.
i also love loving people who love me in return..
well,
even those who don't. wahaha.

i'm a big fan of love.

i love frank sinatra.
classic jazz soothes my soul.

i want to be happy.
i want the people i love to be happy.

that's all i want.

am i asking for the moon with this?

olalala!