sheer delight

new haircut. cardigan. red stripes. leaning. him.


but a part of me is still hating you.
but still
and
still
hate will never be the adversary of...

so hot: of fever and old flames

36.8.
negative.
my temperature according to april, the nurse on duty sa office. but i feel feverish. it's because of the colds. and it definitely doesn't help that i'm having hormonal issues because of my period. grrr. it's not easy being a girl and working in a cold center, you know. (parang tunog pakyaw ako dito ah.)

***************

rojoe.
i find it amusing: finding myself so unattached to any emotion while chatting with him. with james "mighty" bond. it's liberating. and made me think if in years to come i'll be in the very same term with him -friends and content of the subtle conversation, nothing more. almost everybody who know me during college would know how this "phenomena" would fit in that term, they all know how my stalking ability was enhanced and been polished on those four years because of rojoe. i'll post some time my multiply entry about him so you'll get a glimpse of that not-so-controversial-part of my quite-ordinary college life.

anyhow, i'm happy that we're friends now and i don't feel like fainting and drowning into the world of catatonic schizophrenia because of him. i've new subject for that event now. bwa-ha-ha.

heck and whatnots

i was devastated when chast told me that he "joked" about despising her and the whole dp gang for forcing him to be trained. what he did is so infuriating. why would he joke around meanly telling people that he wouldn't talk to them just because he felt so gwapo? he dropped words like he's going to make hell out of it! what?! out of what?! to hell with him but i'll be making it more easier for him to get his wish (insert sinister laugh here). oh yes! i'm so willing to pave his way there and beyond.
grrrr!
why would he say things like that, i really can't rationalize, no matter how hard i try to do it. he's just so irrational and mean, to the core. well, it's going to be his loss if he won't enjoy things as they are.
ekkk!
okey, so much for that.

let's face the D-vil and show him his home in the days to come.
bwahahahahahahahahaha!
i can't be more than ready!
BWAHAHAHA!

___________________________________

because of our recent exchange of text messages, i'm missing papa again. why not, he'd been so cool and wow-na-papa with his responses to my maphenic messages.

since my brother and i never fail to text him and mama our whereabouts for the day and his usual reply is always a "God bless u always", i really laughed my life and limb out. and here it is:

me: I love you mamahusay and papapogi! superduper love! bwahahaha!
papa: ur words r alien to me but i like it! Ha ha ha
me: take from the prettiest daughter of the loveliest couple in whole widest world!
papa: mana ka nga talaga sa 'kin.
me: pero mas mana si mirlu sa'yo, laging nasa mirror, porma nang porma.
papa: so tanggap mo na? ha ha ha
me: oo naman, magbibirthday na ata ako tapos syempre magreregalo kayo.
papa: ay ganun ba? eh diba lagi ka nang may load?
me: (nahirapan na magreply hanggangs a dumating ng ps at iniwan ang phone sa locker.)

cheers for the best father mapen is blessed to have!

__________________________________________

oh yes! may blog na si baby bear!
well, that's, one positive thing that came out of that, err, accident.
nagkablog tuloy sa blogspot!
saan ka pa?!
may benda na sa ulo at lahat lahat nag sign-in pa sa blogspot!
hindi lang pang local escalation 'to.
may ps loyalty award na ata 'to eh.
and yes, not to mention, blogspot award.
so here's the link: aiza.
take a peep and you'll know what the accident is so all about.

and one more thing, binigyan siya ng 100php nung nakabangga sa kanila. kamanghamazing, right?!
di nya ata namention to sa blog niya.
hehe.
mention na lang dito. winner kasi.

_______________________________________

what am i supposed to do w/ my tickets?

gawrd, cebu pacific dudes, can you let me use it in june instead?

puh-lease?

(batting eyelashes)

just so you know

rayuma.

chast (B1)...titingin tingin
maphene (B2)...kumakain ng mani na bigay ni rida.

B1: oy, tama na ang kakakain ng mani!
B2: nyay, konti lang naman..
B1: teka, ilan na ba nakakain mo?
B2: okey lang yan, iinom naman ako ng madaming watah!
B1: ay at ano ba tingin mo sa URIC ACID, nafa-flush?!

ngayon, si C1 at C2 na kami, CURACHA 1 & 2. haggard lang ang 9 and 13 days straight. brave kami diba? di na nagsawa sa avaya.

*****************************

para sa mahal kong si juan paolo corum:

love as much as you can, that is. go lang ng go! well, at the end of the story, tayo lang din ang makakadefine ng exact meaning ng ating happiness.

*****************************

he now belongs. i thought he won't accept it.
it's as if the universe had conspired so he could be included in taht 5-man list.
i'm not aware that this would happen
but it did and it will.
it's so overwhelming having people who support you all the way.
stepping every possible inch just so you 'll be a happy camper.
i so and do really appreciate it.

being unboyfrienable isn't as difficult as it seem yet not as easy as well.
but i think i still can go by a year or two without having one.
chos.
syempre much better if.dot. dot. dot.
ahahaha!

but to hell with it,
I've many friends to help me get through the rough times.
as reytch would put it, as long as you have friends whose hankies are ever ready as their shoulders, then heartbreaks will be nothing more than ant bites.
yes it is.
i concur.

but still.

i don't know how to feel about it, him being within my vicinity.

hays..

"My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind "
-norah jones

"nice" sabi niya. "weh"sabi ko.

and then i lose my way
i close my eyes and
he has found me...

but
only
on my own.


***pero kung di siya, pwede po bang siya na lang?

and you've been told.

i'm no tactless but when i say things that i would really have to say, they just usually flow out from my mouth and my psyche uncontrollably. and worst, i think out loud.

but this morning, i didn't only say the dreaded words for the day, but have conveyed it through email to the target audience. to him.

context: chast told me that he would agree to go out on a date with me if, and only if, i'll have to pay for everything. sugarmama through and through, it made me think thoroughly. yes, i dwelled perpetually on the thought. i'm at my worst when it comes to dating someone i DO like so i'm a bit hesitant of the dating idea. but yes, i agreed w/ a few conditions though.

1. i have to ask him 75 questions which
2. he should answer adequately and
3. he'd have to ask me 100 questions in return.

oh well, obviously, this is to get to know the man better. why not, he didn't even answer all my questions, that was when i attempted to bombard him with a convo last week. he is nice pero he is very , really, suplado. true true true.

owkey, let's go back to the main point of this entry.

so there, he was asked by chast to agree but this only struck the central part of my chest when he practically declined. the man got brains. he knows what logic is. his eloquence is something to be awed but at the same time to be hated. wah. he knows how to use words apt for the situation. and it hurt me again. well, what can little ms.maphene do but grind her teeth and rub her nose. and infuriated w/ his answers and, heck, eloquence, here's what happened next:

i don't really know where i got the confidence at that moment but i asked chast to let me email the man using her outlook with these not-so-controversial-word-salad:

yo! maphene here, yung weird na may crush sa 'yo!
oo crush kita but you don't have to worry kasi my expiry date yung crush ko sayo at malapit na yun! di pwedeng marecycle kasi biodegradable.
ok!

mamangha ka!

there! confidence. oozing with confidence and something i'm not capable of putting a label.
haaay.. i only intend to let my frustration out but what have i gotten myself into is a total mess. waaar! and goodluck to myself as you've guessed it right, the more that i can't get somewhere near him without fainting. subaybayan nalang natin ang fainting sessions.

well, i can look at the brighter sides of it:

since i can't usually contain emotios and thoughts like this, i can easily move on now.
he's able to confirm it even unsolicitedly. haha!

so the resolution here is,
stay the same and just crush him from afar.
a-huh.

and so for you, my man, stay blessed because as much as i want to know it, the expiration date labe l is nowhere to be found.